new life i guess
well journal alot has happened im now 20 years old lol and i have a finance and a daughter sawyer who is almost 8 months old also i have my own house and a new dog named princess... my old bf and i no longer talk cuz i gave up on him and all the shit i went through this bf and that isnt much better he still puts me through shit but im still wit him for exactly 2 years and almost 3 months so its alright i guess we have our good and bad days but we get through it so thats ok anyways my life is a hell of a lot different now i dont cut no more at all i dont even think about it but yea for all u people that read my stuff i post LIFE GOES ON dont give up on urself just cuz ur havent a bad day or ur life isnt what u want it to be cuz it will get better like look at mine, mine sucked but it did get better alot better anyways ive got to go now again for a bit but ill try to wrote more lol anyways peace readers 

day is a bad day
ok soo today i found out my bestfriend cant come down now sadly and i kinda dont wanna be alone for christmas so ya life sucks...i feel like cutting again cuz of reasons like i was sexual assault for 6months and didnt tell anyone until 2010 in june so yea i was dealing wit it for a while but one of the days that it happened is coming up soon and imma flip out and end up cutting or freaking out and the friends i thought i had isnt there for me yet again so im alone again soo yea life sucks badly when u have no one there for u soo looks like imma have to deal wit pain and that again this christmas so yea my life gets good for a bet then shit happens and it gets bad again so yea life sucks but anyways i hope everyone has a amazing christmas and that cuz i wont be but anyways have a great christmas everyone <3

good mood shocker

ok so my family is gone like insane with doing the house for christmas like they have everything up the tree, things on the wall everything it is like completely insane they only started like last night when the power was like back then i went to sleep at like 10 woke up 12 to the house full of christmas stuff all over the walls and me in the house alone like wtf :s happened when i was asleep but anyways i havent wrote on this now for maybe a few weeks or more and i figured i would today seeing all my journals was sad and depressing but this one isnt today im actually in a good mood believe it or not life is kinda going good for me now i have a counsellor and shes helping me alot. im kinda learning stuff i already knew so yea looks like im ahead of her in the lesson plan which is kinda funny but yea after being sexual assault i stopped writing story and drawing but here lately ive been drawing scary picture, watching scary movies again, going out the road alot for a walk, talking to people like guys and not being scared to talk to them. im actually starting to get over everything like its taken me over a year to try and get over this but im doing it it takes alot of time to get over this stuff but yea im doing it...oh before i forget i got snake bites now i use to just have my middle lip done but then i got sick of it so i got the snake bites done and now i love it i changed my whole attiude im not thinking about cutting anymore thank god like yes i have my bad days but i have my good and amazing days too so yea. but heres something no one knows i dont believe in god im what u call umm atheist i havent believed in god since like maybe almost 2 years now i havent been in a church since i was 12 when my pop died then my nan died almost 2 years ago and i just stoped believe in god all together cuz i look at it this way if there was really a god why would he take aways our love ones like really...but yea thats all i have to talk about today i might write tomorrow maybe but for now byeee <3

another fucked up moment in my life

all my emotions is slowing gaining up on me im starting to rememember everything i never wanted to remememeber again but i guess that to late now. why do i feel like this now its over everything is done and over with but i still feel like im completely alone in a world full of people who think they are too good for you like what the fuck is that all about no one is better then anyone in the make pretend world. i think i just need to get outta here for a few days so i can clear my head or start going for walks again or imma seriously do something i dont wanna do again and im pretty sure no one understands what im going through at all. All they say is ull be fine but i wont be ill never be fine again im having another break down i really dont want help with it anymore i just wanna curl up in a ball and just stay there until someone who actually understands what im going through finds me and helps me stay strong and helps me move on from this and to live a normal life.

cant stop thinking about him

what is it about him is it his eyes his smile the way he looks at me the way he makes me feel when he talks to me how weird and goofy he is when hes on cam with me...idk what it is about him but i think im falling for him all over again and he dont even know it he thinks i dont believe in us anymore or that i dont wanna be with him but ill always wanna be with him just he waited to long to try to get me back but maybe some day ill be with him again cuz maybe we are meant to be but i really think i fucked it up this time. if your out there and you can see this im sorry for hurting you soo badly and i still love you always have always will.

missing you

Missing you,
The way you look me in the eyes
The way you laugh, talk, smile
When I'm with you my heart pounds fast
When we're apart my heart rips in two
All my life I never thought I'd feel this way
Laying on my bed, all alone in the dark, crying
Missing you...
I hug my pillow believing that its you
I know there is other people in the world
But I don't want them I want you and only you
One tear strolls down my cheek then another then another
I won't stop this till you're right here by my side
Missing your smile, missing the things you do
I sit on my bed
Missing you...
I need you! I want you! and I'll feel this way until I have you!
You wipe away my tears
You frighten away my fears
My life is incomplete without you
My heart is apart till I have you
I pray, I wish, and dream till the day I'll be with you until then I'll be here
Missing you...

Everything for you

I would give my whole life for you.
I’d be the perfect wife for you.
I would lie for you.
Cry for you.
Lay down and die for you.
All my fears are for you.
Every single tear is for you.
Everything I say is for you.
Every night I pray for you.
Your always in my mind.
Every day and night.
Every minute you’ll find,
I wanna hold onto you tight.
Never wanting to let go.
Just as long as you know,
I love you so.
I’ll protect you life or death.
Protect you till’ I’m out of breath.
Everything I do is for you,
I’m on this earth for you.

Best Friends Forever

Best Friends Forever

Alone in the world,
With a friend who is he.
I understand him,
He understands me.
We tell each other secrets,
We would tell no1 else.
But when he moved away,
I was alone by myself.
Who says distance
Can keep us apart?
No matter where we are,
he is in my heart.
he knows who I love,
I know what he thinks.
When we come together,
It's like we link.
No matter how far apart,
Or how far the distance.
I know he'll be there,
Always to listen.
I dont care how far,
We will be together.
In our minds and hearts,


For my boyfriend

(I've Had) The Time of My Life

Now I've had the time of my life
No I never felt like this before
Yes I swear it's the truth
and I owe it all to you
'Cause I've had the time of my life
and I owe it all to you

I've been waiting for so long
Now I've finally found someone
To stand by me
We saw the writing on the wall
As we felt this magical

Now with passion in our eyes
There's no way we could disguise it
So we take each other's hand
'Cause we seem to understand
The urgency just remember

You're the one thing
I can't get enough of
So I'll tell you something
This could be love because

I've had the time of my life
No I never felt like this before
Yes I swear it's the truth
And I owe it all to you

With my body and soul
I want you more than you'll ever know
So we'll just let it go
Don't be afraid to lose control
Yes I know what's on your mind
When you say, "Stay with me tonight"
Just remember

You're the one thing
I can't get enough of
So I'll tell you something
This could be love because

I've had the time of my life
No I never felt like this before
Yes I swear it's the truth
And I owe it all to you

fuck life
fuck life first i was crying cuz i miss my bf and he didnt know but now im sick and idk what to do cuz my bf is fighting wit me again im soon just giving up i dont wanna lose him but i also dont wanna fight so idk im soo confused soon just leaving and no coming back hes never trusted me or believed me so whats the point idk anymore just might run away now in a min but anyways bye people


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